Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Yours Truly - Letters from the Heart

My typical morning routine consists of waking up later than I should and then laying in bed for a few minutes scrolling through my teacher account Twitter feed (to creep on my students) and catching up on the latest in pop culture. I enjoy perusing the latest in the celebrity world, but what really piques my interest is the stories about everyday people that have done wonderfully extraordinary things.

I often cover up my sentimental/sweet nature by being a smart-ass (defense mechanism), but at the depths of my core, I'm all heart. Admittedly, today's human interest story made me tear up (And totally cry while writing this post tonight. I'm literally like Snot Face McGee. The real reason I called you early tonight, Gramman - Didn't want you to worry), tugging at my heart strings as I figure out what direction to take this post in. I want this blog to be something that's real, and with that in mind, this post will no doubt, explore my softer more vulnerable side (Don't get use to this. lol)  If you're not into emotional or lengthier posts, I suggest exiting this page and carrying on with your day, if you are a softie too, maybe you might want to grab a tissue.  (Gramman/Mom - sorry to make you cry) 

I love my Gramman. She is one of my best friends, so is my mom. And I can't leave out my Dad, he's like my Bestie with Testes. I put on a strong act sometimes, but since my Grandad passed away, many of my thoughts have taken a morbid turn and I often struggle with anxiety about losing those three people. Does anyone else feel this way?

While I was in high school my great-grandmother passed away. From that day forward, my Gramman would call her dad (My G-dad) every night at 8pm and she continued to do so for several years. He passed away while I was in college and the day that he passed away, I started calling her at that same time so that every night at that time, she could have something to look forward to and not be so sad about missing her Daddy.

While life has gotten in the way and I'm not always able to call at the exact time every night, I still call (unless I have obligations that prevent me from calling before she goes to sleep or I fall asleep on the recliner) which has now evolved into me calling her in the morning too on my way to school. Almost every night, when I say "I love you and I'll call you tomorrow," she responds with "I'll be here" and I always want to say back, "One day you won't and I'll be devastated. I love you so much." She is sassy, tells-it-how-is, creative, loving and the greatest grandmother any girl could have. My life will not be the same without her.  (Mom - If I decide to one day have babies, I know my child will feel the same way about you).

When my Grandad was diagnosed with terminal cancer, I remember telling him that I really wanted him to write me some letters. Sadly, he brushed it off, although he almost made up with it with my Compass Necklace.  I told my Gramman the same thing and she basically was like "No, that's weird" (we've since had a breakthrough on this).  My parents had a similar reaction - in my heart of hearts, I hope this blog post makes them reconsider. 

This morning on People was a story about a father with cancer who has written his daughter a note on her lunch napkin every day since she started school. He has a rare form of cancer and although he's currently in remission, it has returned three times and his oncologist has told him that he will die from it. He's on a mission to make sure that every day, until she graduates from high school, she has a napkin note (They aren't all lengthy notes - most are more inspiring or are quotes ranging from Yoda to Eleanor Roosevelt) in her lunch box - that's 826 notes he's planning on writing for her, so she'll never have to be without one. Those notes certainly won't replace her father. but it'll keep a part of him with her when he's gone. She can run her fingers over the words and feel him with her. There will undoubtedly be a day when she needs to be inspired, will need advice, will need to be comforted or she'll need them  simply just to feel him close to her - she'll get all that from his notes.. which is exactly the reason why I asked for some - they'll serve the same for me. 

I think one of the hardest things about being one-foot-in-the-30 door is that the people that I love the most are getting older too. When it comes to those people, you don't ever want to think about experiencing the calm and stormy seas without them. Knowing that one day you'll have to brave the journey without them, wouldn't you want a note map of sorts to help you navigate? I know I do.. and I'm not great at directions, so I'd really like several.
To my mom and Gramman - even without your handwritten notes, I carry you in my heart always. LUMUHAND

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  1. Thanks Rachael, I really needed a good cry....But, I am so proud of you and all that you do for me....you are always there for me, even in my lowest and sad times...LUMUHAND

  2. Thanks, Gramman - Just clearing out your tear ducts. You should have been getting ready for bed - you little blog stalker, you. So proud of you for your comment posting abilities. You'll read this in the morning probably, so I'll call you on the way to school!

    Love you. Love you. Love you. LUMUHAND

  3. You are always in my heart as well. I am very proud of you.....and yes I needed a tissue thanks for the warning text��. LUMUHAND

  4. Thanks, Mom. You're welcome for the warning - I know you all to well. Hopefully, I'll get to see you on Friday.
    Loooooove You. LUMUHAND

  5. Oh my gosh!!! Yes!!! My grandpa passed away just this past August and I suddenly have this giant deer of losing everyone. I blogged about it here (so you aren't alone in that thought) www.ribbonsandrotorblades.com/2013/12/stripped-of-invisibility.html